Lolo Rules...I Mean Lolo's Rules

The other day, I went home so tired from my OJT and suit myself comfortably in our living room's sofa. While I was still trying gaining back my energy from that busy day, something caught my eye just beside me.

It was the SEM ENDER ISSUE of my university's official student publication, SILAHIS. Since I am a reader of this publication ever since, just like other schoolmates of course, I immediately got the copy because I was afraid that my younger sister might get the publication and be able to read first. Idiotly, (whhat?)..I was surprised to see three copies of that publication, fair enough for my other two siblings that is also studying in "my" university. My elder sister brought it home from here summer class. And so I read the headline.

"MSU-IIT honors graduates"
by: Ivy Sescon

Wow! It was really obvious that it was the SEM ENDER ISSUE, I thought, because of that headline. Because I was so tired at that time so I decided to flip immediately the pages to the LITERARY part! Owh I was wrong. I just looked at it now and I see..wait..mmhh.. THERE'S IS NO LITERARY part, instead they call it, UNLEASHED - the contributor's corner. I read the titles of the poems and feature articles in that page but it did not interest me. But still, I halfly smiled with this one poem title:

"VIRGIN NO MORE"
by: Gori

So after that..(soooo long introduction), I flipped the last part they they called ENTERTAINMENT and was really really "ARTICLE STRUCKED" (whatever..) by the entry entitled,

"LOLO RULES...I MEAN LOLO'S RULES"

Just to let all of you know, LOLO means GRANDFATHER in our local dialect.

And so I read the articles and believe me, I was laughing the entire time while I was reading it. You know like..LOL, hello?!

So I'll just copy the article below in order for you to know what am I talking about here.

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*Indicates the side comments of the author.

Lolo Rules...I mean Lolo's Rules

Writer's note: I am an IITian but itago niyo nalang ako sa pangalang Angela Myca for confidentiality. I am not exaggerating, these rules are authenticated and typewritten (yep! I thought those things were extinct but hey, he still has that big type writer) by my Lolo himself.

TO: ALL PRISONERS/OCCUPANTS

(These rules are for the occupant in the apartment that my lolo owns.)

1. At 8:00 pm and there after until morning you are not allowed to sing, dance, laugh, watch TV, listen to music, walk outside and talk VERY LOUD due disturb your neighbours who are retiring.

*In short, stop being human! weird...It's a good thing we're allowed to move X_x.*

2.Do not push anything at the side walk due hazardous and ugly to look at by the passers.

*We have a side walk?! Is ther any phrase other than "ugly to look at"? Sasawa ni lolo uy!*

3. Comfort room (CR) pour one(1) full plastic water can after used SMALL or BIG quantity of waste to avoid clogging of pipeline up to the septic tank.

*I'm supposed to pour the can?! Or the water?! I'm confused. Small or Big, he means FECES slash TAE by that..hmm. He knows where it's headed too!*

4. Water is free of charge except electric bill consumption.

*Aside from the electricity... I never knew we can consume the "bill" too. How does that taste like? Paper?*

5. *This one's my ultimate fave... read carefully* Your remaining foods after eating or extra foods put in a can (plastic) provided yours for Door#1 & #2. Rest waste items put in a plastic bag or sack (hanging) so that cats and dogs will not scan the said plastic bag or sack. *scan what?* Do not feed the cats instead drive out due always asking foods even after given some considerations. *Husto na miming, sige lang kag hangyo!* and making noise (like MEOW MEOW) *Alangan naman BAWOW!* begging for food to eat and besides that it remain waste matter and create bad waste odor at the sidewalk and in garden area. *I gotta find that sidewalk he's talking about...*

6. Lastly, please settle your monthly obligations on time.

*The only rule I understood without laughing ny brains out...*

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